Friday, February 4, 2011

Finally Friday = )

I am always sooo excited when the weekend comes...I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. My goal is to someday have a job that when Monday comes I am excited to go to work! I think that is why I am so strong willed about not settling. I am happy I have some followers now :) I promise my blog will get more interesting as time goes on..I am just getting into the swing of things. I am going to take a trip to the otherside of the mountains to clear my head and visit one of my bestfriends and my hope is to come back on Monday refreshed and get my life in order. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

This song makes me happy =)

I love this quote...

"It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of someone else's life with perfection."

- from The Bhagavad Gita according to Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love

Thursday, February 3, 2011

"My Quarterlife Crisis"

Today I realized something about myself...I am going through a quarter-life crisis...I suppose the first step is admitting you have a problem...so how am I going to conquer this you might ask? First and foremost I am going to follow my heart, second I am going to take care of myself and do what makes me happy, and finally I am going to keep a positive outlook on my life...because it can only get better from here = ) Not to mention I still have a lot of milestones to reach.

"Quarter-life Crisis"
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life; You feel alone and scared and confused; Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better; All this while you had been convincing yourself that you didn't want to be tied down to any person; Now suddenly you have moments of self-doubt when you wonder if you waited too long and let someone special get away. You love someone but maybe love someone else too, and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person! Random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic;
You want to be independent but suddenly, the idea of having the stability of a special someone to trust and lean on doesn't seem all that bad. You want to be your own person and yet be taken care of at the same time.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
I am not sure who wrote this but I can definitely relate to it...I look forward to my future, I want to be done paying my dues, and catch some sort of break...but don't we all?
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Self-less or Profit?? That is the question...Can't I have both?

Soooo... here it is midnight and my mind is going a million miles per hour so sleep is proving to be difficult. My hope is that getting some of this out on paper will help me sleep. The man which I will refer to as the loml is constantly on my mind. I am naturally a happy person and I was pretty content with life but now that he is a part of it my life is so much more beautiful. I honestly feel like there was a piece of me missing and now I am complete...it is kind of scary to say that but I feel that is what real or dare I say true love is about. He makes me want to be a better person and I am not going to lie...I am a pretty great person as is but I am striving to be better. We both share this passion for life that I feel a lot of people are lacking and every moment that we spend together we never take for granted. The other day he made me promise that I will never become complacent and I love that about him = ) I need more out of this life and it is a constant struggle because working at non-profit organizations is rewarding and I love that it is self-less but it does not pay the bills! I am so ready to be able to stand on my own two feet and be independent but I think I am going to have pick a different job for now…Which stresses me out to no end because job searching is a difficult task and I am not a fan of rejection. I know I need to find a new job because I am stuck in a rut…I am thankful to have a job but I feel like I am worth so much more and I am not even putting my best effort in my job anymore because some of the work I just don’t feel I should have to do. I know that is not the best attitude but I am ready for more…I am ready to spread my wings. So here is hoping I find a new job soon …